Nothing To See Here

If you were to put the phrase “mid life crisis” into the search bar you will find, fundamentally, a bleak and rather depressing future ahead:

• Apathy (life? yawn)

• Jealousy (I want one of those)

• Rashness (yay! now I have one of those)

• Insomnia (Christ, OMG, OMG, did I really buy one of those?).

• Weight gain

• Weight loss (hello? Who the hell did that ever happen to?).

• Acne (when your body is ageing at a rate of Knots and your skin decides it's 13 years old)

We have the broken vow and a heavy dose of hypochondria where every ache is the dawn of arthritis and every lump a carcinoma ready to launch. Oh, and just to cap it off, suicide makes it onto the list too…..

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Where “middle aged” was once just code for “old but just doesn't know it”, this is my one woman crusade to carve out a little niche of cool from the rock of life. Let's break it down:

Teens to mid twenties – Still grappling with the concept of your basic life skills; stuck somewhere between “you only live once” and “you only live once so best get in some Chia Seeds, join XR and open an ISA or else you’ll still be living at home when you’re 30”.

30 to 39 – Usually covered in baby vom and having play dates with people that you don’t actually like and have absolutely nothing in common with except the results of your procreation.

70 + Brain has assimilated and digested all the information from the previous 7 decades but now can’t figure out how to change channels on the new Smart TV or reach down to cut your own toe nails and breathe at the same time.

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So, that leaves “now”, your opportunity, your little moment time when everything has clicked into place. This is my one woman crusade to undo the prejudices against the middle aged, fight for the rights of the silver foxes and I am taking you with me.

Having just taken off my 49th birthday girl badge, I have decided that I’m going to embrace my middle years with as much gusto as I can muster. So, there is no crisis here people, walk away, there’s nothing to see. This is my mid ‘life stock take’, a ‘life review‘ as it were. My adulting appraisal has just begun.

Me? From birth to 40, life whizzed by; 2 children, 3 step children, 1 very failed marriage (yes, I know that’s not grammatically correct but I am merely trying to convey how shit it was), 1 unfailed marriage (ditto re the grammar but it went well with the first sentence), dozens of careers (I’m using the word career rather than job - it simply sounds more adultly)… and then what? Seen it, done it, got the proverbial t shirt.

There is a popular, although possibly unconscious, decision to just throw in the towel here, fling on a cable knit and book a place in bridge club, but not me, no sir. I’m going for broke, throwing caution to the wind and going to be bff’s with my mid life review.

Watch out people! Here I come…..

“My name is Kim and I’m NOT having a midlife crisis”