The Diary of Kim Hawley aged 48 and a bit…actually quite a lot.

Lockdown Day … today

I’ve always heard that it’s best to say nothing and have people think you’re an idiot than to open your mouth and confirm you are in fact .. an idiot, however, I’ve also heard that there’s no such thing as a stupid question…

My default is to go with option 2; I’m always the one with my hand aloft, asking, apparently, un-stupid questions. So as far as I understand it:

The 7pm address last night told us that there would be details of the lifting of lockdown today at 3.30 where BJ announced that he would make an address at 7pm tonight. Got that? In this address, to consolidate the previous announcement of the prior initial speech, some important details were ironed out.

So the basic message from this eve is now:

1. If you can’t work from home and your workplace is open, go there and work.

2. Don’t use public transport.. unless you have to go to work (please refer to point 1).

3. You can exercise all day. Knock yer self out.

4. You can play golf and go fishing. You can do these one after the other if you wish. These are separate to “exercise” quashing the rumour that these are sports and/or exercise.

5. You can mix with one person from another household as long as you practise social distancing. Does everyone in my household get a plus one? Can we have a different plus one each time or do we have to stick the the chosen plus one forever - a life partner as it were? Can one have more than one plus one in a day as long as the plus ones don’t meet up, thus making it a plus two and the world coming to an abrupt end?

6. If you come into the country you need to then stay inside for 2 weeks. Unless you are French. If you are French you can do what you wish. Vive La France!

7. Schools might reopen. Sometime. Within this decade.

8. Shops that sell non essential goods (apart from massive supermarkets who already sell non essential goods alongside essential goods), will reopen. At some point.

My hand is aloft…

It’s not that hard.

Tell everyone when things will re- open. Everyone stay apart a bit. Everyone wash their hands a lot. If stupid people can’t stick to the rules then people will get sick again and that’s the stupid people’s fault. Lockdown will have to kick in again and it all goes on longer… You must know if you are one of the stupid people? Right? Tah dah!!!!

I’m a simple person. It’s always worked for for me.