The Diary of Kim Hawley aged 48 and a bit…actually quite a lot.

Lockdown Day … 27/28 it’s all a little bit questionable.

So, today I have done 1 squat… 1 diddly one… diddly squat you might say:

1. Got up

2. Had a wee

3. Did yoga

4. Opened Home School. Maths Test Day. Our youngling isn’t gifted in the mathematical department thus her test was aimed at her ability …. I had to look up the answers… I think you know where this is heading. Turns out I have forgotten a few aspects of basic Math: long multiplication, division (of any sort…long and un-long) and sums involving fractions are not even something I can recollect (apart from halves and quarters I can do halves and quarters). I did confess this fact to her in an effort to demonstrate empathy. She now just thinks I’m an untrustworthy source of information and has started asking the dog.

5. Spelling test. Did considerably better with this. Had the answers in front of me so perhaps had a slightly unrealistic sense of superiority.

6. Home school closed.

7. Head Teacher has discovered a liking for tonic water and lime … with pink gin.

8. Caretaker has become somewhat of a feeder and has been purchasing Headteacher larger quantities of chocolate each day. The 2 fingered KitKat was just a gateway… he now has me on family sized bags of peanut M&M’s.

As nothing is happening here I thought I’d look further afield.

Global death toll is 200,000 with over 3 million confirmed cases. Not cheerful start I grant you but l thought I’d get it out of the way.

Beijing officials are now fining people for uncivilised behaviours such as coughing. With my sinus issues I shall be cancelling Beijing* off my World Tour 2020.

*Along with the rest of the world. *

* with exception of a handful of places such as Samoa, Tonga and North Korea who still have had no cases so could still go there. Not sure though about the legitimacy of the latter destination; secretive little buggers those North Koreans. They, for example, appear to have lost their erstwhile leader and he has not been seen for weeks (allegedly has died from a heart attack due to his binge eating steak and cheese).

French PM scrap that, it’s too boring.

Favourite baby names for 19/20 Asher (boys) and Luna (girls).

Australia released “controversial” tracing app today* so if you have the virus you can report it to all your friends and family who you might have had contact with. I’m kind of guessing you would do that anyway so not sure what the hullabaloo is about. * cue civil liberty debating lobby throwing arms in air and eye rolling.

Big BJ is due back to work at number 10 tomorrow after being hospitalised with Covid for a couple of weeks. Wonder if BJ gets sick pay? Will he remember his login details to the number 10 IT system? Does he have to do one of those “back to work” interviews?

Captain Tom Moore has decided to keep up his sponsored walk for NHS charities. The 99 year old was hoping to raise £1000 by walking laps of his garden before his big birthday next week. He has raised £28.9 million, received 100,000 birthday cards and might manage to fit in a last minute knighthood… 🤞

Hey Ho tomorrow is a new day.

Allegedly it will be Monday.

I may never be able to hold down a job again…. I’m getting too used to this.