The Diary of Kim Hawley aged 48 and a bit…actually quite a lot

Daylock Down 24

With the imminent re opening of Home School this morning, crawled I leapt out of bed early for an hour of yoga with Little Miss Perfect Bendy Lady on You Tube. Namaste.

Showered, coffee’d, dressed (not, thankfully in that order) and ready for my pupil.

Pupil has been out of bed by 7.30 each day of the “Easter Holiday”. Thus, I waited.

More coffee.

Additional waiting.

To avoid caffeine overdose, went to extricate pupil from her bed which is above and beyond duties of Head Teachers. Pupil said she was unwell and unsure if able to attend Home School today. With my vast amount of experience in these matters I immediately gave her a full “mumedical” examination.

WARNING: This technique is only to be used if you are fully trained:

1. Reach for patient’s forehead to ascertain exact body temperature

2. Keep direct eye contact whilst asking patient to self diagnose. Make joke.

3. If patient cannot hold eye contact or laughs at joke then patient is very likely to make full recovery. If patient cries she is unwell.

4. In either case patient must be given generic medication, water and sent to bed with a strict Nil By Screen & Nil By Mouth order. Unwell patients will not wish it any other way.

5. My pupil voluntarily arrived at Home School at 9.30am.

World News

67,000 people applied for Government Furlough Scheme in first 30 minutes of rolling out today.

“Phew” says lots of people* *unless self employed. Who are now … un..employed😔

Oxford Uni start clinical trials for new vaccine next week 👍🏼. Government Chief Scientific Advisor says “hope of vaccine is long shot”. 👎🏼. Confused? 👍🏼 any chance chief advisor of science can have chats with Oxford uni? 🤔

A former Paratrooper has been forced onto an uninhabited Scottish Island during lockdown whilst he was on a fundraising walk around Great Britain. Has now had a 4 week breather. My kind of fundraising! 🤣

Over 2.4 million have been diagnosed globally with 165,000 deaths. 😔

Home School pupil is now doing self expression lesson and dancing to a song named “Everybody Poops”

That was what is called a s**t sandwich